Navigating the world of dating is a challenge because there are no clear rules or standards of behavior of conduct. If you’ve used an online dating service (which 40 million singles have), you’ve probably had enough negative experiences to make you question whether online dating. 17% of marriages and 20% of long-term partnerships come from relationships that started online, so it’s certainly an option; It isn’t, however, the only option or necessarily the best option. Online dating has its own pitfalls, both practical and emotional. Learning tools to recognize dates who have potential is critical for the person seeking long-term partnership. It’s just as important to be able to pick up on the red flags that indicate a poor candidate.
If you’re dating people of your own gender, the rules and standards are even murkier. Part of navigating the world of dating, straight or queer, means getting clear on your own rules and standards, and in order to do that, exploration of values, needs, and personal history is necessary. For straight singles, learning how to date well means understanding both male and female psychology, which is rooted in brain based differences between males and females. For all singles, looking at you own relational patterns is necessary to help make wise choices. Another important component is learning how to evaluate early on for character rather than personality.
As a mature person who spent five years on the dating circuit, I speak not only from theory, but from personal experience of what works and what doesn’t work.
New Relationship Coaching
There is an adage that says we will all date our mothers and fathers or both. This means that left unexamined, we chose the characteristics in our partnerships that replicate our family patterns. If you had a mother or a father who was loving, supportive and knew how to ‘do relationship well’ – well, you’re ahead of most of us. For the rest of us, it likely means we’ll play out the same painful and dysfunctional dynamics that we did with our family-of-origin.The wonderful gift of this is that we get to heal our original relational wounding within the context of our partnerships. Part of how we do that is through the exploration and recognition of how we are projecting ‘mother’ or ‘father’ onto our partners. We then work to shift those patterns. We create more respectful, loving, and boundaried communication and learn to honor both ours and our partners needs. If you’re repeating patterns in your relationship that you don’t like, find your relationship unsatisfying, or simply want greater fulfillment within your partnership, relationship coaching may be just the right option for you.
- Book ~ The Female Brain. L Brizendine
- Book ~ The Male Brain. L Brizendine
- Book ~ The Five Love Languages. G Chapman
- Online Dating ~ Top 10 best online dating sites
- Online dating ~ Statistics
- Queer Dating Article ~ Gay Dating Tactics
- Queer Dating Article ~ How to Date Girls: 10 simple rules for courting a lesbian